I don't Understand how Art Works and I don't know if i can make any of it. Sorry (7.26.01)

I'm not going mad, I'm not going mad I'm not going mad, I'm not going mad

~ Martin Newell of The Cleaners from Venus, "Summer in a Small Town."

Sorry to start off with Something so..... Drab, Cynical, Blegrh... But I needed to get it out somewhere , (///￣ ￣///)(￣▽￣*)ゞ (o-_-o) ..... Sorry i just ended up deleting everything, Whatever, Damn it! My world, My world. I find myself very, Dissapointed.................. With What I can create. This isnt to say I've Never been prideful, But my Feelings Towards my Creations tend to Flop Up and Down even if it's Exactly the Same thing... Especially with now Envious i can get of other artists....

Sire Rosey has no desire to make anything That Would Be Considered Stunning, Showstopping, Like the Smooth Highly Deatiled 4-K Renders Seen In All Portfolios, Most, If not all of my art Could be Categorized into Diagrams, Cheers + Frasier + Malcom in the Middle + Ferris Bueller's Day Off + Truman Show + House of Leaves + AnimatedToon and Various Comix Fanart, Fetish content, and Personal things, mostly Myself and Characters hugging or being intimate / having sex; and Of course Fan-Art of those close to me, or people i have encountered on The Web.

.......However, i get very, Uhm, .....Disgruntled with what i can create, often. it doesnt seem free enough, Loose and Tangible enough, Yes It's for Me But I am watching ME, So i will be forced to bear witness to a gross object I object (Heh!) to the existence of, and deem- TERMINATED. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really needed an excuse to use This G.I.F, I find it so Badass! I don't say that. But just as our Friend Termie Here, I get so Mad I ball up my Paper and Eat it, or Run to my Printer to print out my Ms Paint & Kidpix Creations (YES, I print Out most, If not all of my artwork, and Laminate it!) So I can do just that = And if it Feels too gross and Meaningless I just feel like retching All over my Computer Screen.....

Dramatic, I know, I know................. But that Is How i Feel. I try and look to my inspirations (Francis Bacon, Kazmir Malevich, Roxikat on Yerf, Art Spiegelman, Daniel Johnston, The Animaniacs) - & Honestly I don't Know if That's Very Obvious, But I sigh, And Wish i Could Create Something that Way, & It's like A hell spiral . I've naught Once Heard This in Life but in a Berenstein Bears Book - "A Green Eye'd Monster".

It consumes me, Envelopes me like a Fragrance of mine but in the Vilest ways, It makes me grow Bitter, Anhedonic, Twitchy, and "Graphed" - Where in a span of minutes I am Suicidal then Joyous then Satan then God then Me, A trigger of mine, Can be my own Work.... (_-_;)... Sigh. I hope as life goes on i can find, more peace,With What i Create. Sorry for Such a Drag here, This is my Complain,Unmarketable,Uncommerical,No$$$ Zone. Hope Life will be BETTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pictured: A drawing I just fashioned of my spirit-Self.